Once there lived a young boy who struggled to obey his mother. Now, you may be thinking, What a boring story. That boy is just like every other child. And so he was — except that he disregarded his mother’s wishes for a very particular, well-formed reason: his mother was a teller, never a shower.

“Eat less sugar,” she would mumble to him, a half-chewed chocolate muffling her voice.

“Stop using the iPad,” she would say, without bothering to look up from her phone.

“Finish your homework,” she would tell him, all while the dirty dishes grew from pile to peak.

“Go and get some exercise,” she would call upstairs, never much mounting the steps herself.

“Drink water, not soda,” “Eat fruits and vegetables instead of junk food,” “Choose sleep over media,” “Give thanks rather than complaining,” “Listen before speaking” — he heard her commands. But he never saw them.

Though his mother reminded him (nearly every day, in fact) that her instructions were “good for him,” over time the boy came to believe that her rules must not have been very good at all. For if they were actually good, she would have done more than say them. She would have lived them.

Regrettably, I’m sometimes not so different from the boy’s mother, especially in one area: submission to authority.

Words to Live By

In the spirit of Ephesians, I often pray our son would embrace parenting as given by God for his good. “Children,” Paul writes, “obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” But for as much as I herald Ephesians 6:1, I find it harder to heed Ephesians 5:22: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

One moment, I’m calmly explaining to our toddler that obedience to me as his mom, imperfect as I am, honors God — and the next, I’m unnecessarily quarreling with his dad. As I do, disrespect runs across my face, annoyance through my voice, and unbelief in my heart.

I can’t choose to trust God’s will for children while rejecting his will for wives. He breathed the Bible’s every word into existence (2 Timothy 3:16), and he calls all people — toddlers, seniors, boys, girls, marrieds, singles, husbands, wives — to “live . . . by every word” (Matthew 4:4).

Not just know every word (which would be wise). Not just tell others to obey every word (which is called for). But, first and foremost, live by every word for ourselves. And for wives, submission to our husbands, as the God-appointed head of our household, is one word we are called to embrace with our lives.

To be clear, embracing submission does not mean remaining silent. A submissive wife still speaks up. She asks questions, expresses concern, disagrees. She isn’t afraid to share her heart’s longings or spirit’s burdens with her husband, nor is she afraid to tell others of marital abuse. But what she does fear is a wife’s millennia-old temptation to rule over him whom God has appointed as her head (Genesis 3:16; Ephesians 5:23).

In the wider world, God commands both men and women to submit (Hebrews 13:17; Romans 13:1). But in the home, the call primarily rests on the wife — and therefore on the mother. Given how much time is spent as a family under that roof, mothers are in a unique position to teach children that God gives authority for their good — if only we ourselves believe it to be true.

How much more readily might young children submit to parents, to teachers, to church leaders, to governing authorities, and (we pray) to God himself, if they spent a decade watching Mom lean into Dad’s leading, seek to support his endeavors, respond with respect during disagreements — in other words, if they watched Mom happily submit to Dad?

Words of Life

When our hearts buck against submission, perhaps we forget that the words we’re called to live by are the words of life. I don’t mean words that better our physical bodies, increasing our lifespan on earth. I mean words that lead to bottomless joy in our souls, whether in life or in death, because they draw us ever deeper into our all-satisfying God (Psalm 16:11). The words this God speaks are “the words of eternal life” (John 6:68).

“How honorably we treat our spouse communicates to little ears and eyes how seriously we take God’s word.”

Wives, how otherworldly it is that Ephesians 5:22 exists within the universe of John 6:68. Whatever society may shout, submission spells neither inferiority nor disgrace. No, when we lean into a husband’s leadership, we lean not ultimately into the ways and wishes of a sinful man. We lean into the perfect, life-giving word of God.

What an opportunity mothers have! Where the world would call the Bible archaic (at best) and oppressive (at worst), we can show our children that submission to God’s whole law makes Christians neither fools nor victims. It makes us happy, abundantly so.

Words He Lived

Granted, we may not always feel happy as we submit. Voluntarily yielding to another is a demanding act of self-denial — the kind of act that Jesus says is the stuff of true disciples: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). But he also tells us that death to self is the stuff of real life: “Whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it” (Luke 9:24).

When a wife presses into the most difficult aspects of Christian obedience, her life will shout to her sons and daughters that Jesus is telling the truth. In the Christian life, spontaneously “feeling like” doing something is not a prerequisite for actually doing it — trusting God’s promises is. And his word assures us that self-sacrifice, as strenuous as it may be in the moment, is the mainstay of unshakable joy. How meaningful might the lesson be for children if they not only heard mom say it but watched mom live it?

And there is only one way sinful mothers can: through Christ. He does not just demand we deny ourselves; he denied himself the splendors of heaven to do his Father’s will (John 6:38). He does not merely command we take up our crosses; he took up his own cross “to the point of death” (Philippians 2:8). And he does not simply wonder whether losing your life will lead to gaining your life. No, even now — even as you read this — he is enjoying the fruits of his sacrifice. The tomb is empty, but the right hand of God is not (Hebrews 12:2). Jesus sits there in glorious joy. And from there, he has given us his Spirit to empower similar acts of seemingly impossible obedience (John 15:26).

That’s how mothers live the words of life before the eyes of their children — by looking to the Christ who already lived them. When submission feels like a cross, that doesn’t prove submission wrong. It proves submission biblical, Christlike, and life-giving, in the upside-down way only a Spirit-indwelt believer can comprehend. And isn’t that the kind of Christian we hope our children will become someday?

Mothers Who Live

If there were ever a fly on the wall of marriage, it is our children. How honorably we treat our spouse communicates to little ears and eyes how seriously we take God’s word. Behind closed doors and Facebook posts, is the Lord of heaven and earth worth obeying? Our kids know our soul’s response by heart. They have been paying close, close attention to our lives.

Oh, let us not be the young boy’s mother. She heard, and she commanded — but she never did (James 1:22–24). And though she may have deceived herself, she did not deceive her son. He knew she didn’t really believe the “good words” she spoke. If she had believed them, she would have lived them.

Instead, let us be the mother of James 1:25. This mother “looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts.” This mother “will be blessed in [her] doing.” Her life will commend God’s commands to her children as words to live by — as words of life.