Take a piece of paper and write,

Dear _______! (wife’s first name; don’t use Mrs. or Ms.)

This is not your Valentine’s gift. It’s an I.O.U.

I hereby promise to take you away for a weekend on March 18-20. Think of it! A Valentine worth $125!

No, I didn’t sell my wedding ring! This is a weekend for people with “basically good marriages.” I put down ten dollars at church. And I figure if the rest of the money doesn’t come in before March 17, we’ll ask Pastor John to take an 11th hour offering.

No, we won’t have to share a shower. Not even a bath. Shalom House is posh! There’s not a square corner in the whole building. (Drives Calvinists crazy!) The biggest problem at Shalom House is that all the wall lamps are installed at the desks for left-handed people.

The twin beds (wait a minute, I’m not done!)—the twin beds are hooked to a triangular corner table like wings on the belly of a butterfly. On the down-flap they meet and form a great double! Pastor John said Noël took a rope to tie the bed legs together so she wouldn’t fall through the crack. That was for a pastor’s R&R. He said he and Noël would love to go on one of these marriage things, but the weekend always falls on Saturday and Sunday.

At night we could go out and listen to the lake crack. Pastor John says it pops real good. Actually it’s more likely we’ll watch the ice go out on March 20. But that’d be fun too. Sorta.

Mainly I’d like 42 hours with you and no kids. No. I like the kids! Really! Come on! Gimme a break. Ha. Ha. Get it?

Marty Wade—he’s one of the new deacons, and works on teeth and gums and jaws for a living—he told me his wife had to drag him kicking and screaming to one of these enrichment things. He thought it would be one of those what-I-hear-you-saying-is groupy things. It blew him away. Best thing that ever happened, he said.

We’ll get F. and B. to keep the kids for us. They can take it. B. was in the service. F. grew up on a farm in Montana. Besides they owe us a weekend or two from when we kept their cat one afternoon.

I’ll get off work early and pick you up at 3:00. It takes three hours to get there. Or a little more if you stop for Dr. Pepper at the store in Crosby. Pastor John says it’s fun to look at the big bass on the wall, but not to walk past the video rentals, because it’s not good for your sanctification.

We’ll get there for supper on Friday and come back Sunday afternoon.

Well, what do you say? Will you go? Or do I have to tie you up and throw you over my shoulder? Really? Great! How ‘bout if I throw you over my shoulder anyway? (Insert smiley face.)

Your Valentine,
_______ (your first name)