My spouse is being nominated for church leadership, but our household, especially our marriage, is not in order. What should I do?

That, I assume, is a wife probably saying that a husband is being nominated for something like the eldership. And the elders, according to the Bible, are supposed to have houses that are in order—children that are well-mannered and an admirable relationship with their wife.

And she is saying that she knows things they don't know, or either they don't care. Now whether it's because they don't know or because they don't care is going to make a difference in how she deals with this.

But I think, at least as one elder who is recruiting other elders, it's something the elders would want to know. And I think biblically, she would have a responsibility to share with an elder—maybe one or two that she knows—and say, "Have you considered interviewing or asking these questions to my husband to see whether you think his understanding of the qualifications and his living them out is yours?"

So I think that's what she should do: approach an elder. That's based on the fact that they might not know the situation. If they knew it, they would, I hope, redemptively enter his life and say, "Come on. We need to spend a year now working on this, because we see evidences of leadership and biblical faithfulness in your life. But here's a piece that needs work before we go forward." That's wonderful when that happens, especially if he's agreeable.

If she's in a church where the elders are just lackadaisical and they don't even think that way, then she's got another issue. She's got to find, I hope, somebody who would have some sense of empathy with her concern and see if they can help the elders grow in their understanding of biblical criteria.

But that would be more complicated, because they may just say, "O, you're being too picky," or whatever.

And in that case I think she would just have to pray and let it go, because she can't control what the church does. She might say—and I would encourage her to say to her husband—"You know, as long as we haven't got this resolved or the kids are this way, do you think you should maybe wait?" I think that would probably be wise.