My evening reading that night was Romans 1–8. As the final page fell, sleep seized me, and I drifted into a dream.

I stood outside of a courtroom called Judgment Seat. August and austere, that courthouse appeared to me as the one great destination of all the earth. I entered willingly, though I later wondered if I had any choice.

Inside, demons and angels swarmed. “Judgment,” I overheard one angel say to another, “must begin at the house of God.” I took my seat in the courtroom, although some eyes rested upon me as though I did not truly belong.

Before I could spare the matter another thought, the doors flung open, and silence grabbed each creature by the tongue. Even the malevolent ones, those gods of the nations, were reduced to muffled sneers. The man entered enchained, head fallen, Amartōlos¹ his name — though he shuddered to own it. He moved, so it seemed, like a man to his execution. He sat down in his seat — called Shame — with strange willingness, judging by the surprise of one angel behind me, who claimed that most sat down only after a great struggle.

“Holy, holy, holy” shook the courtroom as the Judge took his seat, a sight that I can only now liken to the sun ascending his throne at high noon. The proceeding commenced, and the prosecution began their case by calling one Spirit of the Age to bear his testimony on behalf of his business partner, World.

First Witness: Spirit of the Age

“Judge and jury and good spirits among us,” the spirit began, “I wonder if you have not realized already one who has no true place among the congregation of the righteous.”

At this, I swallowed so hard I thought I heard it echo.

“This man” — pointing at the man they nicknamed Tolos — “oh, how reluctantly do I bear my witness to his disgrace before you, Great and Holy One! I wonder, did you not say in your great book of law that this man ought not to love the world or the things in the world? Indeed, you did. I have it here: ‘Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world’ — and note this next part, good Judge and jury — ‘the love of the Father is not in him.’² Or, if you’d rather, ‘You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.’³

“The precept is unmistakable, but did this poor villain transgress it? I submit as evidence the first two decades of his life — for the tree must be known by its fruit. Look with the eye of justice, not mercy — ‘Your eye shall not pity him’⁴ — and you will see ample proof in every word and deed. His whole life flows from one foul source. Unmistakably, he has served a willing slave to the lust of his eyes, the lust of his flesh, and the pride of life.⁵

“Consider how many varieties of sin lie before you now, sins cataloged by the apostle under divine inspiration: gossip, slander, hating of God, insolence, haughtiness, boasting, disobedience to parents, and even new inventions of evil.⁶ Look at the criminal — faithless, foolish, heartless, ruthless!⁷ What could be known about the Most High was plain to him — he knew well enough his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature — but the man neither honored God nor gave him any thanks.⁸ Instead, he exchanged the glory of the Most High for created things and went into partnership with me and my esteemed colleague here.⁹ He knew the truth but suppressed it in unrighteousness. Does the defendant deny any of these charges? Should he be true and God a liar?¹⁰ Is he not left ‘without excuse’?”¹¹

The eyes of that other world focused on the man, who to them was no older than a boy. Without lifting his head, he stammered, “I have no defense, your Honor. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.”¹²

Second: Accuser of the Brethren

At this, the proceedings might have ended, but the examination continued with a most adept prosecutor given the title Accuser of the Brethren.

“Excellent start, great Spirit. Now, I must state my relations to the defendant from the onset so as not to indulge unjust scales. The man before you is my son; from birth he has been mine, and I most fraternally his. We have the case clearly given in the eternal decrees: ‘Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning.’¹³ Or, a few verses further, the dividing line is drawn even plainer, the chasm more manifest — phanera, if I may quote the original. ‘By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.’¹⁴

“Now, though I do not mean to inconvenience the cosmos with family matters, note that he is not merely guilty, but in fact he is my son and no son of the Most High. He is mine and shall share in my inheritance, come what may. Did not the Most High swear that the woman’s offspring and mine shall have ‘enmity’?¹⁵ And while I will not dispute the fact here, let it be known that in identifying with me, in following my course and my way, in producing my works, he cannot but share my fate — as the great laws clearly teach. If some form of justice should prosecute me, then justice, by that same principle, must prosecute mine. Equal scales, I now ask of the court.

“If the dead dog desires to refute my claim over him or deny his service to me, then I shall forgo my gracious manner in this assembly and hail accusations violent — and most true — upon him, my own son. Jealousy for his soul, you see, would drive me to it. He already admitted to sinning not just against law, but against you, the Most High — and the villain now attempts, I fear, to do the same to me. If I be his father, where, dear assembly, is my honor?”¹⁶

At this the man stirred not. Only a groan was heard: “Oh, wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”¹⁷

Third: Conscience

Finally — and this witness was, in my opinion, as damning as the last — the man’s conscience spoke forth a fiery testimony against him, as though he had only this opportunity to speak after many years. Oh, how lengthy and eloquent and exact this witness! He read aloud numberless trespasses, many of which he had been present for, giving his most ardent protest, only to be harshly dispensed with, laughed at, mocked, and finally silenced. These deep secrets of the soul were stripped bare for the rest of us to see — of such an exhaustive nature that the Great Accuser himself recorded new evidence with smiling satisfaction. Rather would I live in a sewer, with most loathsome rats chewing my flesh and disease gnawing at my bones, than ever subject myself to such a precise and detailed record of my sins.

Tolos’s Plea

Finally, the man himself responded.

“I never knew to hate myself as I do at this moment,” Tolos replied, scanning the evidence. “What a villain I have been. My great pleasures have but stored up wrath for myself.¹⁸ My throat is an open grave, full of curses and bitterness.¹⁹ I have chosen ruin and misery and lived without the fear of God, not deeming it worthwhile to acknowledge him in my thoughts. My mouth is stopped. I am accountable to God. I stand condemned — and this by my own testimony.²⁰ I plead guilty, guilty, guilty on all counts. If you have only justice to give, my due is wrath and fury unending.²¹

“But this is why I have come.” He finally lifted his head. “I have come to be tried before my time because I have read more in your Book than of law and my sin. ‘Righteousness apart from law’ — ‘the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe.’²² All seems a wide word to awaken my hope.

“I can be declared not guilty, legally innocent, and even positively righteous ‘by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.’²³ When I, who am evil, give my children gifts, I do not expect them to pay me for it. An open hand is all I require. So, here is my hand — empty of its own merits, stained, tinctured with sin, culprit to countless crimes — yet open to receive mercy from nail-pierced hands. For as plainly as I’ve read the record of my crimes, I’ve read the record of my Savior’s merits. How he fulfilled every jot and tittle of the law. How he was sent ‘for sin’ to ‘condemn sin in the flesh’²⁴ — condemning what stood to condemn me. Wretched man that I am, but wretched man was he made for me, ‘whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith.’²⁵ I do receive him!

“The book says — and I faint to believe it — that to all who believe, the verdict upon a whole life of carnal wickedness has been punished at the tree. There you proved that God is ‘just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.’²⁶ My plea is the same as Abraham’s, who ‘believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness.’²⁷ This is the faith to justify and bequeath ‘peace with God.’²⁸

“So, I bear witness against myself, yes, and plead most certainly and horribly guilty. But next, I draw the court’s full attention to the finished work of Jesus Christ on my behalf. By his blood, I am justified — and much more, he saves me from the wrath of God.²⁹ I believe with my heart and am made righteous; I confess him and am promised salvation.³⁰ I appeal not to the law of works — ‘for by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight.’³¹ I appeal to the law of faith, the law of the Spirit of life that sets me free from the law of sin and death.³² I hold, I can only hold, that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law.³³ I draw your attention to the gospel decree:

To the one who does not work but believes in him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness, just as David also speaks of the blessing [my blessing!] of the one to whom God counts righteousness apart from works:

‘Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven,
     and whose sins are covered;
blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin.’³⁴

“So, I have come of my own accord before being summoned by death, believing, simply believing. I have pled guilty; I am worthy of eternal death. But you, O Judge, have promised life to those who come, and you promise them a spotless righteousness, my Savior’s righteousness. He shall deliver me from this seat of shame, for I am promised, ‘Whoever believes in him will not be put to shame.’³⁵ He bore my sin, wore my wrath, ‘was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification.’³⁶ He is all my plea. If I be damned, come pry my arms from his feet, for there alone I cling.”

Verdict

A silence, a moment when even the gods are stilled, filled the courthouse. Then, a voice like the roar of many waters spoke from the throne words that shall be etched into my mind forever:

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”³⁷

At this, the foundations of the courtroom rocked, shaken by howls quickly drowned in song. The small host of hellish spirits shrieked and shrank in fury while the mighty host burst into a new song to the Judge:

“Worthy are you to take the scroll
     and to open its seals,
for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God
     from every tribe and language and people and nation,
and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God,
     and they shall reign on the earth.”³⁸

And the Judge, looking rather annoyed by the blasphemous rage, cut short the cries of the fiends, exclaiming,

“Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? I am he who justifies. Who is to condemn? I am the one who died — more than that, who was raised — who sits at the right hand of power, who indeed is interceding for my people.”³⁹

As the Judge closed the Book, I thought I glimpsed scars upon his hands and a name graven upon his palms: Amartōlos.