These guys are crazy—Lukas, Matt, Josh, Abraham, Jon, and whoever else OK’d this nutty idea. Five dollars for any book and any number of books! Don’t they know this only happens when books are being remaindered—code word for: nobody is reading them any more? How embarrassing.

Have they never read the marketing books? You don’t value what you don’t pay for, right? I mean, if you turn books into confetti, people are just going to throw them who knows where. Why they could wind up on the street! Or Lord knows where. What am I going to do with these guys? They are out of control. Even my son! What have I reared?

Next thing you know they are going to have a “free” day. You just wait! All you ever hear around here is Jesus Jesus Jesus. Gospel Gospel Gospel. Freely you received, freely give. What has become of good old worldly-wise savvy? I mean the sons of this age are wiser than the sons of light, Jesus said. What am I going to do? Any of you leaders of ministries out there that know how to keep these young bucks under control, write me a letter so I can figure this out.